Stepson Released From Drug/alcohol Rehab-Staying With Us-He Needs to Go-Where Can He Go?
Question by swty2crazy2001: Stepson released from drug/alcohol rehab-staying with us-he needs to go-where can he go?
My 24 yr. old stepson was released from rehab about a week ago. He said he needed a place to stay until he could get into a half-way house. He hasn’t had a job for years and has always moved from one place to another, with whoever would take him in and let him mooch. When they get tired of his mooching he moves on to the next person who feels sorry for him and takes him in…and the cycle has continued. His friends bought his alcohol, provided his drugs and bought his cigarettes. He stole money from friends, belongings to sell for money and borrowed money from family members, saying he needed medication only to use the money for his partying. Anyways, he says he needed a place to stay for a week after getting out of rehab and his father told him he could stay with us. The problem is, he cannot get into a half-way house without insurance or money to pay for his stay. He is here with us and I am afraid he is in no hurry what so ever to go anywhere. He is here all day doing nothing productive to search for help or assistance to get out on his own and get the help he needs.He sits in the house all day and is either on the internet or playing video games. He eats all day and I am sick of him already. I have three other school-aged children of my own from a previous marriage who live with us. He sets a terrible example of what a 24 year old should be doing with their life. He has lived with us before and we kicked him out and made him move with his mother because of his excessive drinking and pissing the bed, and the stories go on and on. I was just fed up! So here we are again! What can I do??? Nobody else in his family will let him stay with them. He really has no where else to go. I just cannot have him sleeping on our couch forever and he lacks motivation!!! I had him fill out an application for county assistance to see if he would be eligible for medical assistance to help pay for his stay in a half-way house to get treatment and training on job search skills and to be sure he attends AA classes and so on to start a life for himself. What else can I do to get him out of my home. He drives me crazy just sitting home all day. I do not trust him and am afraid to leave him alone. I am afraid he’s mooching money off my teenage daughter and her boyfriend (though they say he’s not). He’s getting cigarettes somehow. I know it’s only a little over a week but I just can’t handle him being here mooching just like he did before going to rehab. Any advice???????
Best answer:
Answer by briandwales
he needs to find someone who will let him stay at there house
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Tags: alcohol rehab, family members, family member
Everyone deserves a second chance. But there are communication issues with your problem with your stepson. He is becoming comfortable with the conditions in the past- and recently at your residence. Basically you’re providing him the means necessary for him to “stay in a rut” as the saying goes… and your assumptions of him are on the wall, full of prejudice and spite.
Have you and your husband find out more about what he’s been up to since his rehabilitation and have a personal talk with him together as a family. Basically speaking… your stepson needs to realize that he needs to stand up on his own against life and that this merryment of a “party” in his point of view – is depleting. Tell him that if he keeps doing what he does in the past to the present, he will have no more friends… and no more family… for they all will want to avoid him at all cost. If he still continues to do so thinking everything is okay… he might fall into worse situations to feed his desires (drugs and alcohol) and when he does and gets in trouble with the law, nobody is going to think of saving him… so he needs to wisen up.
To tell him this, you need to be assertive. Not passive, sarcastic or even aggressive. Doing so will only feed his rebellious nature to continue being a bum. He needs to think for himself… ask him questions about his future, and what are his plans or dreams and how is he going to achieve them when he’s basically not doing anything… you can even ask whether he would like to have his own child in the future following his footsteps… say things that make him think he should deserve better or needs to change drastically… and counter his excuses with plausible facts… try not to counter them with all sorts of assumptions… he’ll know.
Also, it would be good to be a supportive role for you are a stepmother… the one who should be doing the pep-talk should be your husband – for he is closer to him bloodwise… your stepson should feel a stronger connection with his real father and mother and he feels more comfortable looking up to them for solid advice.
Hopefully if your parental advices get to him, he’ll see the light and make slow but steady changes… if not, then there’s little you can do to help him… if push comes to shove, you’ll need to implement an ultimatum on him that he needs to change – otherwise, he’s better moving out.