Am I Truly That Selfish and Horrific of a Daughter Incapable of “rehabilitation” and Redemption?

Question by Jenny: Am I truly that selfish and horrific of a daughter incapable of “rehabilitation” and redemption?
A few weeks ago the worship band I belong to was invited by our sister churches in China to spend two weeks in August performing for them in various locations throughout the country. I was extremely excited and immediately said yes without first asking my parents. I’d intended to talk with my dad about it that week, but it was smack in the middle of exams and I was stressed out, and he has been working really long hours, and the planning for his wedding at the end of next month has eaten up a lot of his time. I knew it was a major discussion, so I just thought I’d hold off until a more chilled out time. In the meantime, the woman organizing the trip needed me to fill out some forms and submit a copy of my passport, and so I did. I received an email tonight that the tickets had just been booked, so that means that I’m now locked into going since they were bought in bulk and are non-refundable and non-transferable. I completely freaked out. A guy I sometimes IM with wrote to me then, and I explained the situation, and even though it has nothing at all to do with him, he completely exploded. He said that I was a selfish, irresponsible child and that my actions were despicable and disgusting, and that he had no respect at all for me. I’ve told him about a few others things that I’ve done in the past, but it’s all pretty typical teenage stuff – nothing major like serious drugs, theft or trouble with the law. I’m a straight-A student, varsity athlete, dedicated volunteer, and for the most part a good kid who just happens to sometimes blow off curfew and do careless, juvenile things, but I’m not a malicious person at all. He said that my dad should be ashamed of me, and that I deserved to “have my butt destroyed” and be grounded. He said that I had no respect for my dad. I actually adore my dad. My dad & I have been arguing a lot lately and I think he’s far too strict, but I have a tremendous amount of respect for him, and I don’t think occasional teenage rebellion and antics makes him feel like I don’t love him. In fact, the last time this guy told me that I was an absolute nightmare of a daughter and I went and talked with my dad about some things that I’d done and asked him if he felt that way about me, he said he didn’t at all, and that the guy was a foolish bully. Still though, the words tonight stung.

The guy said he never wants to talk with me again because he has no respect for me at all, and that I disgust him. Btw, he is a former meth addict, vandal, and thief who flunked out of school, did drugs in his parent’s home, and made up an elaborate story to me about being a schizophrenic / bipolar with a dead sister, and made me completely panic and freak out when he said he was going to drown himself. He’s an adult who feels it’s fine to ask me, a teenage girl, about my sex life and to make fun of me for not being experienced. Just the other day he sent numerous IM’s telling me I had to try sex with my boyfriend in a certain position. When I pointed all this out to him and said that it was audacious that he would be so furious with me for something that I hadn’t even done to him and was relatively minor, he snarled back that I always wanted to divert things to him and couldn’t bear to face my own flaws because I was a selfish hog.

Am I truly that awful of a person for what I did?
*Apologies for the length. It’s like 3:45 in the morning and I’m too exhausted to have focused on brevity.*
Crystal, I’m not “with” him. He’s just someone I mainly IM’d with because I’m an insomniac and he’s in Australia & therefore online at those hours when all my friends are asleep. I’ve taken him off my IM list, but I’m still reeling from what he wrote to me.
It’s completely naive, I know, but I cared about what he said mainly because he’s like 30 and the only adult I’ve ever IM’d with, but Mighty RA you make an excellent point that I so totally should not care one “fig.” : )
Hi Kathleen, thank you for your answer. Money isn’t actually an issue. I have the funds saved up to pay for everything on my own. I didn’t forge his signature, and there wasn’t a place on the form for it. I’m the only minor going, so maybe they just didn’t think to add it. Time honestly just slipped out of my fingers, and I hadn’t realized that the church would book the tickets for us and that we’d then need to reimburse them. I wasn’t trying to manipulate my dad into saying yes or anything.

Best answer:

Answer by lilith
The guy’s a total creep & waste of your time.
Don’t listen to him.

Add your own answer in the comments!

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